A clergyman was walking down the street when he came upon a Little Johnny
and a group of his friends, all of them between 10 and 12 years of age.

The group surrounded a dog. Concerned lest the boys were hurting the dog, he
went over and asked "What are you doing with that dog?"

One of the boys replied, "This dog is just an old neighborhood stray. We all
want him, but only one of us can take him home. So we've decided that
whichever one of us can tell the biggest lie will get to keep the dog."

Of course, the reverend was taken aback. "You boys shouldn't be having a
contest telling lies!" he exclaimed. He then launched into a ten minute
sermon against lying, beginning, "Don't you boys know it's a sin to lie,"
and ending with, "Why, when I was your age, I never told a lie."

There was dead silence for about a minute. Just as the reverend was
beginning to think he'd gotten through to them, the smallest boy, Little
Johnny, gave a deep sigh and said,

"Son-of-a-Bitch...................All right, give him the dog."

Little Steve says to Little Johny..."I'm not sure if my future bride is a virgin or not."
Little Johny replies, "Oh, there's an easy test for that. All you need is some red paint, some blue paint and a shovel.

You paint one ball red and one ball blue.

On your honeymoon, if she laughs and says 'Those are the funniest balls I've ever seen!' you hit her with the shovel!"

One day in preschool Little Johnny is sitting in class sguirming.

Finally he Raises his hand and says, "Teacher, I have to piss." This upset the teacher and she replied, "Johnny that is not the correct word to use.

The correct word is "urinate."

She then tells Johnny that he may go to the bathroom if he can say a sentence using the word urinate correctly when you return.

Well Johnny goes and comes back. When he sits down the teacher asks if he has a sentence ready.

Johnny replies yes. "URINATE" "Right now 'ur-an-eite' , but if you had bigger tits you'd be a TEN."